Just travelin' thru...

Number of bags checked: 4 (most of which probably barely made the weight limit)

Number of pounds diaper bag and carry-on tote weigh: 250

Number of umbrella strollers purchased in order to find the best one: 2

Number of minutes it took us to find out that all umbrella strollers are crap unless you spend a billion dollars: 5

Number of strollers returned to Target: 1

Number of minutes it took me to assemble the crappy umbrella stroller we kept: 10

Number of minutes it took me to figure out how to fold/unfold the damn thing: 15

Number of people who we let go in front of us while trying to figure it out: 25

Number of dirty looks I received from a TSA agent when the Puffs container went flying out of my overpacked tote: 1 (You have a nice day too, asshat.)

Number of really adorably sweet TSA agents who had to run tests on a bottle of breast milk in order to carry it on: 1

Number of inappropriate jokes said TSA agent made about said breast milk after I informed him it wasn’t formula: 2

Number of books husband brought from home to read (“You can never read The Firm too many times!”): 1

Number of books purchased for husband at the airport bookstore immediately upon arriving: 1

Number of minutes our flight is delayed: 55

Number of dollars spent on two chicken sandwiches (and a beer for my husband) at the airport Chili’s: 41 (!!!!)

Number of curse words said upon seeing the bill: 3

Number of adorable grandmothers sitting next to us who took a liking to The Incredible Hulk during dinner: 2

Number of thankful prayers that I said under my breath when the two adorable grannies told me they were on my flight and that they wouldn’t care if he cried his head off: 1 million

Number of beers I wish I could have to calm my flying nerves: 2 or 3

Number of beers I had: 0

Percentage of battery on iPhone an hour before boarding plane: 30

Number of curse words said upon seeing that: 2

Number of outlets around to charge iPhone: 0

Number of minutes flight is delayed: 65

Number of curse words said: 1

Number of laps around the terminal husband has made with the stroller: 3 going on 4

Number of laps my own mother took me on around this terminal when I was a baby: Too many to count (Can you believe you used to be able to do that?)

Number of movies filmed in this very airport which star George Clooney: 1

Number of minutes flight is delayed now: 75

Number of curse words said: None.  I just give up.

Number of ounces in the Cinnamon Dolce Latte I am going to make my husband buy me on his next lap: Venti (that’s 

20...in case you didn’t know.)

Number of hours past TIH’s bedtime we will now arrive: 2

Number of girls giving themselves a pedicure (shoes off and everything) in the middle of the seating area: 1 (WTF. WHY?)

Number of minutes we were supposed to be in the air by now: 30

Number of words into my Starbucks order to my husband I got before he told me said “Text it to me.”: 2 (Venti, Decaf...)

Number of women eating homemade egg salad while sitting two seats away: 1

Number that rates on the weirdness scale (1-10): 12

Number of minutes our flight is delayed: 80

Number of laps daddy has made with the stroller: Too many to count.

Number of laps before I think he’s going to give up and make me take over: 1

Number of ounces of Cinnamon Dolce Latte spilled on the crappy umbrella stroller while walking: 1

Number of ounces of Cinnamon Dolce Latte spilled on a stranger’s newspaper: 14

Number of seconds it took to change TIH’s diaper upon hearing we were boarding: 8

Number of times I have breast fed in a public place prior to this trip: ZERO.

Number it ranked on the embarrassment scale to do it on the plane during take off (even under my ‘hooter hider’): A 

bazillion

Number of minutes into the flight TIH fell asleep: Less than 20

Number of minutes he slept through after that: 120 (YEAH. Almost the whole damn flight!)

Number of seconds it will take me to decide whether or not I will try to feed him to sleep on the plane trip home: ZERO.

Number of club sodas and lime consumed: 2

Number of cocktails I wished to order instead: 2

Number of minutes this random oversharer spent telling stories about sexual encounters in his 20 and “weird GI issues” in 

the seat behind us (Yes. Seriously.): 120 (YEAH.  ALMOST THE WHOLE DAMN FLIGHT.)

Number of minutes it took to install our car seat in the rental car: 25

Percentage of humidity outside while attempting to do this: 4 billion %

Number of rental car personnel who were willing/able to help: ZERO.

Number of hours past TIH’s bedtime before he actually got to sleep: 3.5

Days before we have to do it all again: 4

I need a nap.