This is ourselves under pressure...

I often find myself crumbling under the weight of what it means to be a parent.  There is a lot of pressure in the world to be a good parent.  It starts long before you see those two little lines on a stick.

I think, it happens the first time you see or hear about a kid doing something and think - I'll never let my kids do that.  Or, the first time you see or hear about a parent doing something and think - That'll never be me.

For me, it's when I think of the sheer volume of things I'm expected to teach my son in the two-ish decades he will live under my roof.  Shapes, colors, words, concepts.  Manners, gratitude, respect, the difference between right and wrong.  Faith, hope, love.

It's overwhelming.  And the own pressure I put on myself, a perfectionist at heart, is enough for me to cry sometimes.

And then, there's this unachievable perfection that I feel we're sometimes held up to.
And mostly?  By other moms.

Stay home with your kids, don't let someone else raise them.
Send your kids to the best preschool so they are speaking 3 languages and doing long division by kindergarten.
Feed them only organic, gluten-free, local food.
Don't ever, under any circumstances, let them watch television.
Breastfeed them until they're five and do it on the cover of a magazine.
And, most recently, this:

Sigh.
Something else unattainable that we are now expected to do.
Mrs. Kang is gorgeous.  (Duh.)  She has three gorgeous kids.  She's the founder of a non-profit.  From what I gather via Facebook and the media storm that has followed her, she's a pretty impressive woman.
And yet, she's reduced herself to just this.
Another mom judging the rest of us for being too lazy and not good enough.

Something HAS to give.

If NMOTB stands for anything as a blog, it's just that we start accepting each other.  Because the anxiety of being a parent is hard enough as it is.  In fact, I've found it actually debilitating at times.  I don't know where to begin when I describe how earth shattering it can be to imagine you are in charge of another human's life and well being.  So, when I see stuff like that - I honestly get HULKRAGE-y about it and want to break my computer.

Why can't we just support each other?  Why do we need an "excuse" for anything we do as parents.  Neither of my parents had washboard abs - and yet, I still turned out okay.

In fact, I successfully managed to lose 50 lbs. this year and somehow, it didn't really change who I was as a parent at all.  (And my abs still don't look like that.)

And moreover, if I have any excuse for not looking like that, it's because sometimes (more times than not lately, actually) I skip my afternoon run so that I can start dinner and sit down to eat it with my family.  And because it just wouldn't look natural on me.

And because sometimes I look down at the stretch marks on my belly and the loose skin that I lovingly refer to as "a butt in the front" and it reminds me of the life I grew in there.  Of all of the little nudges and kicks I felt for all those months.

And that's when the anxiety isn't so bad.  Because it doesn't matter that I don't look like a swimsuit model.  Because I look like a mom.

photo credit: Rosser Photography

And I like that look better anyway.

Things I'll never say...

[Before I get started on today's post (which is a total rant and I have nothing to rant about when it comes to this amazing sponsor), allow me to introduce the first ever New Mom on the Blog sponsor! A friend of mine introduced me to Stephanie and her absolutely gorgeous photography.  When she offered some mini-shoot sessions for Christmas cards in November, I was eager to grab one of those sessions as quickly as I could.  The end result was my favorite Christmas card of ALL TIME.  If you're looking for a photographer and are in the Metro-St. Louis area, I encourage you to contact Rosser Photography and book a session as quickly as you possibly can.  As the mommy to a toddler, she is amazing with little ones, but she is an all around amazing photographer - no matter what the subject.  Thanks, Stephanie for being willing to be our first sponsor.]


I was told before I became a mother that things would change.
I was warned that people will begin giving you advice about things they have no business giving you advice about.

But, I'm not sure anyone told me that people would start saying and doing completely, totally, unbelievably, rude things to you (or in front of you).  I have heard the most appalling things recently, and I need to take this opportunity to rant about it for a bit.  Some of these things were said to me.  Some of these things were said to others.  But, let me caution anyone who reads this - these things should never be said.  And if you're saying them?  You're an a-hole.




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"That's not the right way to burp that baby."
(This actually happened to me.  It was overheard as I was trying to burp my newborn son in a noisy restaurant.)

If you are staring at a sleep-deprived mother who is clearly at her wits end and swimming in a sea of her own ineptitude and the ONLY THING THAT COMES TO YOUR MIND IS, "You're doing it wrong"?  You're an a-hole.


"Where are your shoes?"
Maybe it sounds a little odd, but I've had this said to me several times.  No.  Wait.  I've had this said to my child, but really it was only said for me to hear.

If you're saying something to a child's mother about his mother in this passive aggressive way?  You're an a-hole.  (Also, you're a moron, because anyone who has ever met a child under the age of 2 should know that they manage to pull both their socks/shoes off the minute you get them fastened.)


"I don't send my children to daycare because I want to be the one raising my kids."
Congratulations.  I'm glad your life worked out for you and you're rich.  I'm not.  I have to work.  And even if I didn't, I'd still gladly send my children to daycare, all the while knowing, I am still the one "raising my kids."  My mom was a working mom and I still say that she was the one that raised me.

If you're making another mother feel inferior for financially supporting her family (which, by the way, plays a major part in "raising my kids"), you're an a-hole.



"He's obviously your first kid."
Listen, I know that I will probably be a bit more lax by the time our next kid comes around.  As someone who writes a blog solely on the subject, I think it's safe to say I've embraced the fact that I'm a new mom.  However, when Bubba at the mall turned to me in response to an audible gasp after seeing TIH take a particularly heinous tumble at the indoor playground, it was all that I could do to politely nod and say anything obsene.

If you think you're cool for making me feel like a helicopter mom when really I'm just worried about the well-being of my child?  You're an a-hole.


"I want to see more pictures of your baby!!!!"
This one requires a little bit of context.  I have seen this numerous times on Facebook.  Okay, it needs a little bit more context.  I have seen this on the Facebook photo albums of parents of new babies.  Alright...a little bit more context.  I have seen this on Facebook, in the photo albums of new mothers less than 24 hours after the baby was born.

If you are demanding for woman who just pushed a baby out of her vagina (or had it surgically ripped from her abdomen) to get on Facebook and upload photographs (or for that matter, do anything other than sleep and hold her baby) mere hours after the aforementioned event?  I'm glad you're excited.  Frankly, we all are.  Also?


YOU. ARE. AN. A-HOLE.

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Are there any I forgot?
Am I the only person who feels this way?
If you think so, you're an a-hole.
Just kidding :)