Pick a little, talk a little...

Around the time that I wrote this post, I received some follow up questions from some mommy friends of mine.  Their questions were quite valid, especially since I know both of them have kiddos around The Incredible Hulk's age, but quite honestly - it was really hard to answer.

Basically, the questions were about picky eaters and what to do if your child was refusing food.

Sigh.

Despite my best efforts at home, TIH does not have the best repertoire of food.  We serve him everything that we eat and I have a pretty strict rule about not making more than one dinner to appease my kid.  But, he still refuses a lot of the food in front of him most nights.

We continue to demand "No thank you bites" and encourage him to not call any sort of food "gross" or "yucky."  But, he still leaves much of his plate untouched at dinner.

TIH on a night where he decided he hated pasta, chicken, and tomatoes.  Great.

The advice that our pediatrician gave us from the beginning when we started feeding TIH real food instead of baby food/breastmilk was, "Feed him what you eat.  If he refuses, don't provide an alternative and especially don't provide him junk food as an alternative."  I try very very very very hard to do that.  But, I'm a mom.  I have a genetic makeup that tells me that ABOVE ALL THINGS, I must feed the tiny human living in my house.  So, I'll admit.  Sometimes if he doesn't eat a great dinner, I find myself making him a snack at the end of the night (usually something healthy, but still with a large sense of a defeat).

I think the other thing that is baffling to me is that he actually likes a wide array of food - green beans are his favorite vegetable and he eats them first if they are on his plate - but that he will sometimes refuse things that most kids love (like, chicken - unless it is in nugget form.) I also will get daily sheets home from preschool saying that he ate every bite of his gyro or asked for seconds on his stir fry or munched away on cucumbers at snack time.  It's times like this I get the distinct impression that TIH refuses food at home just because he can.

Two and three year olds are (often frustratingly) independent and this might just be another way to express that independence.  It's maddening at times and makes me positive that he'll starve to death - but I'm pretty sure it's normal.  Here's our method to this madness.  It's by no means the best way to do it (obviously, dinnertime can be a battle zone sometimes, and I only have ONE kid to deal with), but it tends to ameliorate some of the typical food refusal issues.


1.  I meal plan.  Yes, yes, I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record on this.  But, I often can't remember what I ate three hours ago, much less last week.  By making a monthly meal plan, I know I am providing my family with a variety of food throughout the month.  I'm exposing TIH to lots of different foods and making sure he's getting a good balance of it all.  Plus, I can spread out meals that I know from experience that he will refuse - so I'm also limiting the number of nights where I'm not even going to try to feed him our dinner, and will instead feed him something from one of his favorite food groups (i.e., hot dogs, chicken nuggets, frozen waffles, Chef Boyardee)

2.  I start feeding him small portions.  I feel as though if I put a huge pile of something TIH might not like in front of him, that he is way more likely to throw a fit of epic proportions to refuse it.  But, if I give him a little bit at a time, not only is he more likely to try it, he might even finish it and ask for more (okay, the latter part might be in my dreams.)

3.  We always put something that he likes on his plate.  So, if we're having a meal with a protein, a starch, and a vegetable (a common combo in our house), I'll stick some grapes or Goldfish crackers  on his plate alongside it.  Even if he eats all of that part and only one bite of the other stuff, I consider it a victory.  (And honestly, that's a worst case scenario.  He almost always eats multiple bites of it all.)

4.  When he is starting to refuse food or when he sits down at his plate and immediately says, "I DON'T WANT CHICKEN" we usually reduce the demand.  We'll say, "You just have to eat three bites."  Or, "Eat everything on this side of the plate" and break the food up into sections.  We've actually often found that he'll eat more than what we say at that point, or has even started sectioning off his food himself and saying "I'll only eat this pile." (And then eats all of the piles.)

5.  We keep it real.  If one night out of the week he ends up having some microwaved hot dogs or a box of macaroni and cheese, it really isn't the end of the world. We're careful about when we do it, but sometimes it is more important to just sit down as a family without tears, yelling, and throwing food (and for TIH to be happy too.) :)

6.  When in doubt - offer ketchup.  (We always use a natural ketchup brand that we found and like so at least it's a little better, but honestly, if TIH has something to dip his food in, the popularity of that food goes up 400%.)

7.  We give him a multivitamin.  At least we know we're rounding out the nutrients he might be missing in food.  It's actually become a fun little routine for all of us after TIH's bath.  Mama likes her gummy vitamins too.  It's all good.


It isn't perfect.  There are some books that have been recommended to me and they continue to be on my ever growing to-do list.  But so far, our method isn't based on anything any expert would probably prescribe.

However - it works.

Our child continues to grow.  He continues to eat a range of foods better than I would expect from most three year olds and he is learning lessons that are equally as important in the process - table manners, eating a balanced diet, trying new things, the importance of eating together at a family, and a multitude of other things we're probably not even aware of.  I'll call that a win any day of the week.

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If anyone has any further questions about picky eaters, please feel free to email me or post a question to Facebook and I'll try my best to point you in the right direction.  I'll take any questions not related to picky eating too!  Have at it! AFONM is always ready for you!

Never had such lousy food, baby this restaurant is gross...

The concept I'm presenting today, I cannot take credit for.  I can take credit for saying it AD NAUSEUM in my home.  In that way, I have made it the most famous phrase in the history of our family.  Maybe in the whole entire world.

I share recipes and meal plans with you here, but I'm sure you're wondering on some of the recipes, "How do you get a three year old to eat this?"  For the most part?  You don't.  Short of bribery or force feeding him, three year olds just aren't going to eat brussels sprouts and enjoy them.  (Good, more for mommy!)

However, I have adopted this rule for our home courtesy of Ask Dr. G.  In short, "Don't yuck my yum."  It's that simple.   (By the way, the letter "G" might stand for Guru.  This woman completely stands for every value I have ever wanted to instill in my child.)

It's sort of the food version of "One man's trash is another man's treasure."  And sometimes my trash tastes like balsamic glazed pot roast, but The Incredible Hulk wouldn't have anything of it.  Several times during a meal, I will hear him say, "I don't want to eat that!  I don't like it!"  We'll allow that.  Expressing opinions and tastes (especially where food is concerned) is a way to converse during dinner, for him to develop a sense of self, and for me to learn what menu items are keepers and which ones I should save for date night.  However, TIH is not allowed to say, "That's gross" when it comes to food.

Why?

Because it isn't gross.  It's food.  And I happen to find most of it quite tasty.  Just because you don't necessarily enjoy a food doesn't make the food "gross," "distasteful," "inedible," or "yucky."

I'll never forget watching my dad squirt a healthy helping of ketchup on his scrambled eggs one morning and saying to him, "Ew!  That is disgusting, dad!"  My dad took a huge bite and replied, "The beauty of it is that you're not going to eat any of it."

This was how my parents taught me not to "yuck" their "yums."  I learned that even if you dislike what someone else is eating, you shouldn't comment on it.  It's rude.  If you have no plans on even trying it, why do you think your opinion is so important?

My parents also taught me to try a little bite of everything I was offered at dinner, at a party, even at Thanksgiving where the sides outnumber the people being served.  You try a little bit of everything.  If you don't like something?  You take a small "No, thank you" bite and finish the rest of your meal.  You don't comment.  You don't draw attention to what you find to be "yucky" because at the same time someone at the same dinner table could be heartily enjoying that very same dish.

This is extremely important in multiple child families as older siblings opinions of food will often help "form" the opinions of their younger siblings.  If an older sibling says, "Gross!  Peas are yucky!" in front of a younger sibling, the younger sibling is quite unlikely to try the peas.   Or, if the younger sibling likes peas, they are even more unlikely to admit it to the older sibling.

Adults who do this at the dinner table (either by refusing to try a food [one that they aren't allergic to/morally opposed to] or by calling a food gross openly) are not only astoundingly rude, they're also very sad to me.  Food is one of the most enjoyable human experiences we are privy to and they. are. missing. it.  Eat.  Eat well.  Enjoy that experience.  And, while you're at it - don't ruin it for anyone else.



I often find that as adults we are consistently doing this to one another; yucking yums all over the place.  And, not just in food.  In politics, in music, in religion, and in every enjoyable human experience we get.  I personally welcome differing opinions, I even welcome a healthy debate at times, but plainly rejecting another person's opinion, belief system, or taste in foods is just reprehensible. (Especially the food one.  Hate my religion, but do not hate my affinity for cheese for the love of gouda.)

We need to stop this.  Give one another the option to enjoy our experience though it may be polar to yours.  Stop yucking yums.  Otherwise, I fear there won't be any yums left to have.

Perhaps by practicing this with your little ones at the dinner table, you'll be teaching them an even more valuable lesson for later on in life.  Don't yuck the sweet potato casserole today, and maybe they won't feel entitled to yuck someone's life orientation tomorrow.

And that is food for thought.