I want to thank you...

Yesterday, I poured my heart out here with all of my fears about my son being a late talker.  I asked for help.  I asked for sanity.  I asked for suggestions.    And all of you out there simply delivered.

Here are a few things I learned from yesterday's post:

1.       Einstein may have been speech-delayed.  (The jury is still out on this fact.  I found sources stating both that he was/wasn't speech-delayed.  Either way, in my research I found lots of famous scientists who also were thought to be speech-delayed.  Which means The Incredible Hulk might be a nuclear physicist.  So, there's always that.)

2.       The phrase “speech-delayed” scares the ever-loving crap out of me.  Even though no one used that phrase (other than me ad nauseam in the previous item.)   Even though that phrase doesn't even describe TIH.  It still scares the ba-jesus out of me.

3.  I forgot to mention several things about TIH's history in my post.

- For one, his hearing is fine - probably too good.  Receptively, we have no concerns.  He responds to multiple-step commands, dances to music, can mimic the sound a lion makes – all of that kind of stuff.  Though, everyone who mentioned this is totally right – these things should be considered when dealing with late talkers.  

- Someone also mentioned how ear infections can play a role in kiddos who aren’t speaking yet.  The good news is, TIH has only had two of those – ever.

- A few people mentioned socialization.  We have no concerns about his socialization (other than the fact that he bites his friends.)  At his 18-month-old check-up, I had to fill out this survey about his social behaviors.  They explained that it was an early screener for Autism Spectrum Disorders.  The survey confirmed that he’s developing typically.  However, if social deficits existed, it would also explain the speech thing – so, anyone who mentioned this was spot on as well.

4.       I also forgot to mention my amazing godson.  When I saw him at Thanksgiving 2010 (he almost 15 months at the time) he wasn’t saying a whole lot of anything.  The next time I got to see him was the following summer and he was a. talking. machine.  Then a few months later, at this year’s Thanksgiving, he was reciting entire (complicated) passages from Despicable Me.  He’s a little genius kiddo.  After talking to my sister-in-law about him yesterday, I felt better immediately.  He went through such an amazing transformation in just a short time.  It gives me hope for TIH.  Several of you readers shared similar stories and they all helped to ease my mind so much.

5.  Don't read Amazon.com reviews.  During my aforementioned Albert Einstein research, I stumbled upon a book called The Einstein Syndrome which is about late-talkers.  I read some of the reviews of the book which were basically a bunch of horror stories of children whose parents thought their late talking was "just a phase" and all of the kids ended up having severe problems.  The problems referred to were in line with the author's assertion that late talking is an early warning sign of future issues - drug addiction, suicidality, criminality, and a bunch of other REALLY FUN STUFF.  I want to purchase a copy of this book and burn it.  I also want Amazon.com to know that NO - these reviews were NOT HELPFUL.

Lastly, can I just say?  I love the Internet.  Seriously.  I love you guys.  I love you for reading.  I love you for never judging me (openly) about how freaking insane I am.  I love you for all of your knowledge and wisdom and support and prayers and encouragement.  I love you, most of all, for allowing me to put myself out here, time and time again, and not ever making me feel sorry for it.  I just can’t say it enough.  You are all my shining stars.  Thanks again.

Say, say, say...

Welcome back to the semi-annual installment of "Why the hell is my child not speaking yet, it must be because I am a terrible mother and everyone is judging me for it."

I'll work on the title.

In the meantime, allow me to freak out.

WHY THE HELL IS MY CHILD NOT SPEAKING YET?

Am I a terrible mother?

Is everyone judging me for it?

The rational side of my brain says, "He is a boy.  You are a great mom.  This is normal.  He does say some words.  Give him a break, Tiger Mother."

The irrational side of my brain says, "What do you MEAN your child is identifying songs on the radio by artist?  Clearly, I am doing something wrong with mine."

I also think I may be going slightly crazy because we will go for long periods of time with him saying some words like "grapes" and "crackers" and "vacuum."  We've also had "Yes" and "Yeah."

Now we have none of those.  We have “bah” or “dah” (which can mean “ball” and “balloon” or “dog” and “duck” respectively.)  Sometimes I wonder if in a few months’ time we’ll still have those.

I have to admit, I am guilty of falling into the trap of responding when he does nothing more than pointing and grunting.  I mean, the kid knows how to get what he wants.  But, any mother of a late-talking toddler can tell you that failing to respond to pointing and  grunting in a timely manner will guarantee you a meltdown of epic proportions.  


Sometimes I just can't handle another meltdown.

We have started working with daycare on learning some of the basic signs they use (previously, The Incredible Hulk wasn't in places that used signs) and those are working (we know “Please” and “More.")  When he plays in the bath or takes a drink, I tirelessly repeat the sign for "water" and encourage him to do the same.  Want to know the response I get?

HE LAUGHS AT ME.

Oh yeah.  Apparently, mommy furiously throwing three fingers next to her mouth is freaking hilarious.

It's infuriating.

I have no doubt in my mind that I am the mother to an intelligent little boy.  He has a way of figuring things out that baffle my husband and me daily.  He has a beautiful imagination and "fed" his stuffed dog a cup of milk before laying him down and covering him with a blanket.  This sort of behavior expresses an intelligence that goes beyond simple language skills.

It's just a very quiet intelligence.  And it's making my lose my damn mind.

It would be splendid if this kid would start speaking in full sentences so that I would know exactly what he wanted and would be able to diffuse any impending tantrum that is about to explode.

Unfortunately, life isn't working out quite like that.

I know that I need to stop comparing him to other children.  Every ounce of my being knows that.  And yet, I can't help but wonder if I am secretly judged every time my child points and grunts at something and I respond in kind.  I want to scream, "I SWEAR TO GOD I READ TO HIM AND DO FLASH CARDS AND DO LANGUAGE PROMOTING ACTIVITIES.  STOP JUDGING ME."

Of course, that will probably earn me a one way ticket to a padded room, so I don't scream at strangers.  Much.

So help me out, mamas.  Well - mamas of other late talkers.  When did your little one finally start communicating effectively?  What was the turning point?  What worked?  What didn't work?

And, also?  STOP JUDGING ME.

Why didn't I think of that...

You may remember from my recent post on Rants from Mommyland, that "Veteran Moms" ( or VMs - as in, women who are not "New Moms") have a way of making me feel all stabby when they come in with their sage "JUST YOU WAIT..." advice.

I find it important, however, to share some of the incredible bits of information I've received from my beloved VMs lately.  Mostly, because this stuff is SO GOOD, it's too awesome not to share.  And to prove that I don't think VMs are all bad.

Gerber Puffs
I've paid as much as $4.00 a container for those stupid pieces of artificially flavored puffed rice.  I complain about the price of them all of the time, but it's one of the few things I can get TIH to self-feed.  I was at a pool on vacation a few months ago and handing The Incredible Hulk his first trough-full of Puffs.  A VM at the pool said, "We didn't have those when my kids were growing up.  We always just gave them Cheerios."  If you were sitting there, you would have seen the light bulb turn on.  I think I actually screamed, "CHEERIOS!  OF COURSE!" in a way that would make you think I'd almost never heard of one of the most common brands of cereal EVER INVENTED.  I looked at home and I had not one, but SEVERAL coupons for Cheerios which stated "Recommended by pediatricians for finger food."  Face. Palm.

Random Bleeders
TIH got his first legit "boo boo" when we went to go visit my husband's parents a couple of weeks ago.  He face-planted into a large stuffed ottoman and gave himself a fat lip.  No big deal, except that a few nights later, he was suddenly bleeding profusely from his mouth. [Note: He probably wasn't bleeding "profusely" per se, but I've been known to exaggerate.  Especially when blood is involved.] I figured he had done something to aggravate the original injury, but after careful inspection (because we all know how easy it is to get an eleven-month old to open his mouth and let you have a look) the original injury was not the source of the bleeding.  And worse - and sorry, this is going to get gross - when I'd wipe the blood away with a wet washcloth, it seemed like there was some sort of bloody tissue coming away with it.  Commence freak out.  We gave it about 20-30 minutes and the bleeding seemed to stop.  The next morning, my mother-in-law asked how we got the bleeding to stop and then nonchalantly asked if I thought that "little flap of skin" at the gum line had just detached.  Apparently this is totally normal and some kids are just born with it a little tighter than others.  The flap helps guide the top baby teeth as they grow in.  And sometimes it just detaches.  And bleeds.  Profusely.  No big deal.

Y'all - I have read lots and lots and lots of baby books. I have not stumbled upon this information in any of those books.  I Google'd it and all I can find from the Internets is that ER doctors look for this kind of injury because it can be a sign of child abuse.  (Oh.  Great.)  But, according to my mother-in-law who is the VETERAN of all VMs (since my husband is one of TEN) - this is totally normal and can happen during normal playtime.  Thank.  God.

Veggie Teethers
This advice wasn't actually relayed to me directly from a VM, but it was passed along to me from another new mom from her mother-in-law.  After trying out about a billion different teething rings, this gadget, and as many ways as you can possibly freeze a washcloth, I was thinking we would never survive teething.  TIH just wasn't into holding cold things in his hand or mouth, long enough to get any of the benefits.  But, this new mom friend had gotten a suggestion from her mother-in-law to try using a washed stalk of celery.  I tried this technique out with TIH?  Best. Teether. Ever.  For whatever reason, he loved carrying it around.  He was able to get a couple of good crunches with those new little teeth and celery has a bit of a numbing sensation right after you bite into it.  Now that he has more teeth on the top and bottom he's able to do a little too much damage and always seems to be able to turn this innocent teether into a monster choking hazard - so we've had to try other things.  Still - for those first few teeth, it was a GOD SEND.  Try it.  I'm serious.

What is wrong with this child?
Teething.  If you're asking that question, it is always teething.

On milestones
After sharing my favorite blog post as a mindfulness exercise with my consultation team, a co-worker and VM (she's a super veteran because she has several grandchildren as well) was quiet for a second and then said:

It's a double-edged sword when your kids pass milestones.  You get all excited for all of the new things they're doing, but you know with every new step they're taking another step away from you.

So, while I get wrapped up in how awesome it is when TIH points to a balloon and says, "Ma ma, ba?" or how he's basically toddling around God's green earth like an old pro - it's bittersweet.  This first year went by in a blink - in. a. blink.  This VM helped me remember to enjoy each small step.

It's the best advice I could possibly get.