Welcome back to the semi-annual installment of "Why the hell is my child not speaking yet, it must be because I am a terrible mother and everyone is judging me for it."
I'll work on the title.
In the meantime, allow me to freak out.
WHY THE HELL IS MY CHILD NOT SPEAKING YET?
Am I a terrible mother?
Is everyone judging me for it?
The rational side of my brain says, "He is a boy. You are a great mom. This is normal. He does say some words. Give him a break, Tiger Mother."
The irrational side of my brain says, "What do you MEAN your child is identifying songs on the radio by artist? Clearly, I am doing something wrong with mine."
I also think I may be going slightly crazy because we will go for long periods of time with him saying some words like "grapes" and "crackers" and "vacuum." We've also had "Yes" and "Yeah."
Now we have none of those. We have “bah” or “dah” (which can mean “ball” and “balloon” or “dog” and “duck” respectively.) Sometimes I wonder if in a few months’ time we’ll still have those.
I have to admit, I am guilty of falling into the trap of responding when he does nothing more than pointing and grunting. I mean, the kid knows how to get what he wants. But, any mother of a late-talking toddler can tell you that failing to respond to pointing and grunting in a timely manner will guarantee you a meltdown of epic proportions.
Sometimes I just can't handle another meltdown.
Sometimes I just can't handle another meltdown.
We have started working with daycare on learning some of the basic signs they use (previously, The Incredible Hulk wasn't in places that used signs) and those are working (we know “Please” and “More.") When he plays in the bath or takes a drink, I tirelessly repeat the sign for "water" and encourage him to do the same. Want to know the response I get?
HE LAUGHS AT ME.
Oh yeah. Apparently, mommy furiously throwing three fingers next to her mouth is freaking hilarious.
It's infuriating.
I have no doubt in my mind that I am the mother to an intelligent little boy. He has a way of figuring things out that baffle my husband and me daily. He has a beautiful imagination and "fed" his stuffed dog a cup of milk before laying him down and covering him with a blanket. This sort of behavior expresses an intelligence that goes beyond simple language skills.
It's just a very quiet intelligence. And it's making my lose my damn mind.
It would be splendid if this kid would start speaking in full sentences so that I would know exactly what he wanted and would be able to diffuse any impending tantrum that is about to explode.
Unfortunately, life isn't working out quite like that.
I know that I need to stop comparing him to other children. Every ounce of my being knows that. And yet, I can't help but wonder if I am secretly judged every time my child points and grunts at something and I respond in kind. I want to scream, "I SWEAR TO GOD I READ TO HIM AND DO FLASH CARDS AND DO LANGUAGE PROMOTING ACTIVITIES. STOP JUDGING ME."
Of course, that will probably earn me a one way ticket to a padded room, so I don't scream at strangers. Much.
So help me out, mamas. Well - mamas of other late talkers. When did your little one finally start communicating effectively? What was the turning point? What worked? What didn't work?
And, also? STOP JUDGING ME.
(((HUGS))) You are an awesome mom and I know you're doing everything you can to help him. One thing I have learned from my four children is that NONE of them will do what you want them to do when you want them to do it. They have to do everything in their own time. No matter how inconvenient or embarrassing it is (for instance, my almost 3 year old is REFUSING to potty train!) I have a boy and three girls, and the boy didn't really talk that much until he was almost 3. He was my first baby, so he didn't hear constant chatter all day long like his younger sisters did :-) I think often boys work on mastering the physical skills before they work on verbal skills anyway, it's just in their nature.
ReplyDeleteTry not to worry! I know, easier said than done...
Thank you for the hugs and good thoughts.
DeleteMy mother-in-law always said, "Early walker, late talker." My son took his first steps before he turned 10 months old. I shoulda known...
I have two boys, almost 4 and almost 2. My oldest didn't really talk in sentences til 2.5, and by sentence I mean, "hi mom" or "more please." My youngest says a handful of words, but not many very clear. It is all normal!! And yes boys are slower, especially first born. But now my oldest NEVER STOPS TALKING so a late bloomer is nothing to be worried about!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteMy oldest didn't speak really until she was 3, and she was recently identified as being gifted at 8. My youngest isn't saying more than about 5 words at 21 months. I just think he's going to be like his sister and wait until he's talking in full sentences to begin.It's not actually that uncommon, it's just that people don't talk about it. Don't beat yourself up about it!
ReplyDeleteI was told that I would need to be in special ed when I was in preschool. I ended up graduating high school in the top 10% (taking mostly honors classes.) You're right. You never know.
DeleteCongrats on your oldest being identified as gifted? Did you burst with pride? :)
You can read on my blog what a blessing/curse having a gifted child is. She is the most wonderful little girl, but having her brain wired this way is quite the challenge.
DeleteAlthough I have to admit that I did say a little 'I told you so' to my husband inside when they told us!
Kids are all so different. My oldest was clearly speaking words at 9 months and small sentences by one. So when my boy was still not speaking beyond mom and dad at 2 I was very worried. When he began, he was using sentences. Just double check to make sure his hearing is good and then busy your self with your wonderful posts to pass the time. No guilt, which i know is easier said than done. I say that as my child who will be 4 in five days has been potty trained, but currently has decided he is not interested at all and refuses to use the toliet. Me-"When are you not going to have accidents any more?" Child-"That's a good question mom" Oh my!
ReplyDelete"That's a good question, mom" - this had me laughing out loud. Thank you.
DeleteSo, it's always gonna be something, huh? First the talking, next the toilet training, then...what? AH!
I so think TIH is just fine, especially if he engaged people and looks at them, even without saying words. Carson spoke late and Brandon was worried. I just attributed it to being the second boy. Now he is talking tons. I have a friend that was worried about her son, who was around the same age as TIH. She took him to speech therapy and now believes it was completely unnecessary bc he's a talking machine. She just thinks he talked late. Oh, and as for the saying the words and then not saying them...we asked the pediatrician about that exact thing bc Carson did it. She said that this was completely normal...that their brain only has so much room and so once they master a word they push it out of their mind to concentrate on something else.
ReplyDeleteI truly believe TIH will be a talking machine before too long. But let me know if you need to vent more about it!
I heart you :)
DeleteI will definitely hold off on formal speech therapy (since we can't really afford it anyway), but it's good to know. Also - I think I had heard the thing about their brains "losing" things to gain others when he was tiny (about mastering motor skills and stuff.) It would figure it would translate to language as well. I didn't even think about that.
I don't have children yet but I do have a niece. My sister in law also used to be a special ed teacher for 3-5yr old kiddos and I think this was more a teaching tool she used to use for her class that ended up working out for her own child. My niece who is now almost 3 watched some sign language dvds from the library pretty regularly. My husband and I watched them with her (as well as the rest of our family) so that we could all encourage her to use her sign language more. It seemed to stick more when it wasn't just her mom and dad that were trying to get her to use it. She also got a kick out of the entire family totally understanding "cookie" and would laugh hysterically when occasionally she had all of her aunts and uncles and grandparents signing "farm" or "chicken" all at the same time :) We also say what it is out loud and would sign it back to her. Eventually, as I was directed by her mom, we would see what it was she wanted by her signs but then would just ask her to "use her words". That's also crossed over to when she gets frustrated now or wants something and she is simply asked to use her words instead of fussing. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWe are working really hard on the signs he does in daycare. He is gaining about 1 sign a week, so hopefully we'll be able to convert those to words soon. I only wish we had started sooner!
DeleteAww... Don't stress out. He seems intelligent and every baby does things on their own time. It's just how TIH is. He seems strong willed, so he might be stubborn, he will come around to it eventually. It's the same with potty training- dont force the issue, but know that if you get them trained up by kindergarten, they are okay. xo
ReplyDeleteSo - let me know when he is talking too much and you want him to "just shut up for a few minutes"!!! From a granny who knows a lot about this issue. Ever sat at our dinner table???
ReplyDeleteThis comment has to be from MY grandma. :)
DeleteI'm probably the opposite of some comments as I'm a speech therapist. There are tons of late talkers that go on to all kinds of brilliance, but if a kiddo is getting frustrated in the meantime, some therapy can be just the bump they need to decrease frustration and your life can return to fun and not just avoiding tantrums.
ReplyDeleteI know people say that boys will be boys and kids will grow out of it, but if that were true, my profession wouldn't be around. :)
You bring up a good point, another one that I missed with today's post. Our pediatrician said that he would wait until my son had his evaluation from Parents as Teachers. Apparently, access to services is really limited here and unfortunately my husband and I would never be able to afford a speech therapist out of pocket. I realize the importance of early intervention and would never ignore the advice of a professional - if we were at that point. The fact of the matter is, we're not.
DeleteYou can try to get him evaluated through first steps of Missouri and the ST would be either free or a very small cost to you guys per month. It's pretty difficult to qualify however but it's worth a shot and it won't cost anything to try.
DeleteI also wouldn't worry. Kids talk when they are ready to. He is probably working on some other developmental skill gross motor. Boys tend to be like that.
Hugs to you mama. Your doing a great job!
I know I'm late on this, as you've already responded to this post with another one, but my nephew (Katie's son, Jackson) was actually diagnosed as having expressive aphasia around age 2. I think it's something kids can grow out of, but they were having a lot of behavior problems with him because he was so frustrated that he couldn't communicate what he wanted to. They had him go to speech therapy and it definitely helped for him. After they moved just before he was 3 they didn't continue it because he was speaking very well. He still has some pronunciation issues, but he's talking Katie's ear off now!
ReplyDeleteI'm on the other side of this now, my son was diagnosed with speech apraxia at three. I was in big time denial about it, but finally came around and got him in speech therapy. He was a great kid, funny, smart the whole deal, just people had trouble understanding what he was saying. He is now seven, and still has a few sounds that are hard for him, but at least he is now understood 95% of the time. You know in your gut as a mother when something is wrong, so follow that instinct. You will get through it, I promise.
ReplyDelete