This is ourselves under pressure...

I often find myself crumbling under the weight of what it means to be a parent.  There is a lot of pressure in the world to be a good parent.  It starts long before you see those two little lines on a stick.

I think, it happens the first time you see or hear about a kid doing something and think - I'll never let my kids do that.  Or, the first time you see or hear about a parent doing something and think - That'll never be me.

For me, it's when I think of the sheer volume of things I'm expected to teach my son in the two-ish decades he will live under my roof.  Shapes, colors, words, concepts.  Manners, gratitude, respect, the difference between right and wrong.  Faith, hope, love.

It's overwhelming.  And the own pressure I put on myself, a perfectionist at heart, is enough for me to cry sometimes.

And then, there's this unachievable perfection that I feel we're sometimes held up to.
And mostly?  By other moms.

Stay home with your kids, don't let someone else raise them.
Send your kids to the best preschool so they are speaking 3 languages and doing long division by kindergarten.
Feed them only organic, gluten-free, local food.
Don't ever, under any circumstances, let them watch television.
Breastfeed them until they're five and do it on the cover of a magazine.
And, most recently, this:

Sigh.
Something else unattainable that we are now expected to do.
Mrs. Kang is gorgeous.  (Duh.)  She has three gorgeous kids.  She's the founder of a non-profit.  From what I gather via Facebook and the media storm that has followed her, she's a pretty impressive woman.
And yet, she's reduced herself to just this.
Another mom judging the rest of us for being too lazy and not good enough.

Something HAS to give.

If NMOTB stands for anything as a blog, it's just that we start accepting each other.  Because the anxiety of being a parent is hard enough as it is.  In fact, I've found it actually debilitating at times.  I don't know where to begin when I describe how earth shattering it can be to imagine you are in charge of another human's life and well being.  So, when I see stuff like that - I honestly get HULKRAGE-y about it and want to break my computer.

Why can't we just support each other?  Why do we need an "excuse" for anything we do as parents.  Neither of my parents had washboard abs - and yet, I still turned out okay.

In fact, I successfully managed to lose 50 lbs. this year and somehow, it didn't really change who I was as a parent at all.  (And my abs still don't look like that.)

And moreover, if I have any excuse for not looking like that, it's because sometimes (more times than not lately, actually) I skip my afternoon run so that I can start dinner and sit down to eat it with my family.  And because it just wouldn't look natural on me.

And because sometimes I look down at the stretch marks on my belly and the loose skin that I lovingly refer to as "a butt in the front" and it reminds me of the life I grew in there.  Of all of the little nudges and kicks I felt for all those months.

And that's when the anxiety isn't so bad.  Because it doesn't matter that I don't look like a swimsuit model.  Because I look like a mom.

photo credit: Rosser Photography

And I like that look better anyway.

I'm gonna pick up the pieces and build a Lego house...

To any mother (old or new) who has ever stepped on one of those tiny, incredible, creative devices of torture known as Legos - this post is for you.  Bonnie of The Joyful Organizer was kind enough to send this post to me and while The Incredible Hulk is still a few years away from playing with Legos - after reading these ideas, I'm TOTALLY inspired to get started organizing RIGHT NOW.

-----

Legos are some of the best toys out there.  They allow kids to be creative, play independently, and they are a toy that can span many age groups.  However, they are also one of the biggest organizational challenges that parents face.  Here are a few organizing tools and methods for those Legos!

First of all Lego has tried to tap into the organizing of their own toys.  They have specialty organizing bags available.  They are cute, and useful, but can be cost prohibitive.

I like to establish a system and then stick with it.  You can sort by size, color, or even project.  Once you’ve decided how you want to sort, the next step is getting a container that will help you keep pieces in order.  I like organizers that allow you to take a set out, play with it (possibly even in a different location from the storage unit) and then put it away.

Ikea sells great organizers that can be easily labeled.  The drawers pull out easily so your child can play and then put away.  {Editors Note: And, it gives you an excuse to go to IKEA.  Win. Win.}  Above is an organization system established by color. 

Sets of plastic drawers can be purchased at almost any super store and are a great way to allow kids to have a visual of what’s in each drawer.

If you have a smaller amount of Legos, or want to use them on the go, small pencil boxes are a great solution.  You can buy them on sale after the back to school season or at a dollar store.

If you’re tired of Legos all over the floor, try a “pack and play” system like this.  The mats spreads out for your child to play on and then you can scoop it up and store it away with ease.

There are also custom sorters available that allow you to dump the blocks in and the organizer does the sorting for you. This is great for kids who help in the put away process.  It also allows you to move your Lego collection all over the house.

And here's how we organize things at the NMOTB house.  Kidding, it's Legoland.  (Awesome, right?)

-----

If you'd like to keep up with The Joyful Organizer and find more of these wonderful ideas, check out The Joyful Organizer blog, Facebook page, Twitter, Pinterest boards, and my favorite, The Joy of Organizing Radio Show.

When I was young I knew everything...

Dear Non-Parent,

I have a confession to make.  I'm jealous of you.  I just read your Facebook update about how you just woke up from an uninterrupted night of sleep to go to Starbucks and the grocery store (alone) to prepare for the dinner you're having for all of your (also childless) friends tonight at your immaculately decorated and clean home.  Congratulations.  Are you enjoying your life right now?  I sure am as I live vicariously through it.

I love my life.  Love it.  Love it so much that sometimes I worry people will catch my (slightly insane) grin as I marvel silently over the happiness that is my day-to-day existence.

And?

I'm exhausted.  I am the sole entertainer and provider (okay, I have a great partner, but sometimes he goes on trips and leaves me alone and seeing as this is my blog, I am inclined to focus on the negative, obviously) for a very picky and opinionated and loud and spirited and ENERGETIC three year old monster.  I love him so much it frigging hurts and so I am willing to withstand a great deal of discomfort in order to make sure his little face never stops smiling.  (It often does, but not for lack of trying.)

So, pardon me while I sit here jealously, purposely not "Like"ing or even liking your status because I am pouting because I want to have an adult conversation over slowly prepared food (not made in a microwave) and relish in the beauty of nothingness that unfolds itself in front of me.  No one is going to ask you to change their wet sheets in the middle of the night.  No one is going to require your assistance in bathing them.  No one is going to demand you make them a frozen waffle at 5:30 am only to leave it abandoned on a plate in a mess of sticky syrup that you and you alone will be responsible for cleaning up (or, God help me, my house is going to smell like maple syrup for the next 6 months.)  Tomorrow you are likely going to meander over a long boozy brunch after you have completed another full night of sleep and at no point in your journey will you be required to drive a minivan that smells like a foot.

It makes me a bit resentful.  It makes me want to hide your posts so that I won't long for those days which seemed to pass me by so quickly before I really got a chance to enjoy them.  It makes me want to read only mommy blogs so that I can feast my eyes and say, "Yes.  YES.  Now HERE is a woman who gets it" and scroll past your newsfeed without the sense of regret I am currently feeling.

All this to say?

It's okay that you get a little bored with the 365 pictures I posted chronologically of my son last year. It's okay that from time to time you unsubscribe from my posts, complain about me to your friends, and roll your eyes when you see that I've written (YET ANOTHER) post about breast feeding.  Just so you know, I swore I wouldn't be like this before I had kids.  And look who's talking now.

So, judge me for the claims I make ("No one has ever been this tired before"), the stances I take ("I refuse to mess with my kid's vaccination schedule"), the opinions I hold dear ("I have the cutest child in the history of the world and if you mess with me I will throw his tricycle at you.")  I don't blame you.  I would have judged me too when I was sitting in your seat.

I'm exactly who I thought I would never be.  I'm kind of okay with it, too.
And I bet sometimes you think about clicking the "de-friend" button on Facebook because you just don't feel like reading another status about the amazing new thing my kid is doing.  That's okay.  Sometimes I want to de-friend you too when I hear about the amazing new vacation you're planning.  So we're even, okay?  No hard feelings.

I discipline in a different way than I ever thought I would.  I post more pictures of my child on the Internet than photos that existed in the 25+ years of life I lived before him.  I clean up puke and deal with tears and allow things I thought I would never stand for (dammit.)

I don't make my kid share if it isn't worth the fight.  I let him watch TV for more than the 1 recommend hour per week.  He wears t-shirts with licensed characters and leaves toys in places other than the toy box.

If I knew me now, I wouldn't recognize me.

So, dear non-parent friend, I don't know if you plan to have children now or ever or anytime soon, but before you do - pour yourself another glass of wine, immerse yourself in that adult conversation, turn up the volume on your favorite Pandora station for a bit (who is there to disturb?) and just really freaking enjoy it.

Because someday you're going to have baby poop in your hair and you're going to be reading Facebook because you're too tired to get up and clean it out, and you're going to see one of my posts about my frigging awesome kid (with the caveat that I'm exhausted from a day of playing with said awesome kid) and you're going to say, "Yes.  YES.  Now here is a woman who GETS IT."

And you're going to click "Like" on that status.  And so the cycle will repeat.


And I promise, I won't ever say "I told you so."



Love,
New Mom on the Blog

Food, glorious food...

Prepare yourselves for my most requested post and a recurring one, at that.

MY MEAL PLANS.

When we moved here, I started planning out a monthly menu for our dinners.  Everyone who has ever attempted to do this knows that it must be done with a modicum of flexibility as you never know when you won't feel like cooking, or you'll forget a vital ingredient, or when you'll be invited over for dinner instead.  But, having a plan helps.

You can look on Pinterest for lots of ideas for meal plans and budget friendly ideas.  For me, having a plan to begin with can (and will) shrink your grocery bill and help you utilize the items sitting around in your cabinet more than ever.

I'll be sharing my meal plans starting in September, take what you need from it.  Leave the rest.  Your family not big on pork?  Don't eat it.  Need to make something low carb, gluten free, or vegetarian?  Go for it. (Unfortunately, you can't ask my advice on any of that - I like my meat mostly wrapped in carbs and gluten.) Have an even better recipe that you want to swap in there?  Please do...and share!  Happy to hear your meal and recipe ideas.

Here's what I do.

1.  I always start with a list of meals that we enjoy or haven't had in awhile.  I call this our "On Deck" list and it sits in a central place on the counter for anyone to add to as necessary.

2.  When I'm ready to make my initial plan, I grab a sheet of paper and write out all of the days that we will need dinners for the month.  Given travel schedules, social engagements, and get togethers we are invited to, I usually don't have to plan dinner for every single night of the month.  When I share my meal plans, you'll notice some holes.  That's because we aren't eating dinner at home.  (We also plan on eating out at least once a month - we are trying to eat at a different restaurant in town every time so that we get to know our favorite local spots - but I don't always list a specific night that this will happen.)

3.  I also take note of the specific day of the week some meals are being planned.  On Wednesdays, I try to do something in the crock pot because I have choir practice.  On Fridays, we try to make meals with little to no clean up in the kitchen so we can enjoy our night.  (This is a popular take out night for us.  I'm still learning what exactly constitutes a "Friday Night Meal" - I'm sure I'll get it.)  Sundays we eat a bit of a heavier meal because we usually have more time for cooking and clean up - so a meal with more components is always possible.

4.  Once I have a good list of meals, I just start filling in the blanks.  I try to make one day a week meat free.  This is new to us so a lot of times we do end up having fish instead of being totally vegetarian.  I don't really have any reason for doing this other than that it makes me think of new meals, come up with creative ideas to balance our nutrition, and increase our produce intake.  We're Catholic so this is a practice that isn't necessarily new to us.  Take it or leave it.

5.  I put all of this on a dry erase calendar (ultimate flexibility!) and try plan things in such a way that we end up with a nice variety.  Not too many Italian meals at once or too much red meat in one week.  I also try to spread out meals cooked in the slow cooker so that I have time to let it soak after we use it.  (Anyone else HATE cleaning their crock pot?  I need to invest in those liners!)

6.  I make my grocery lists one week at a time and usually do all of my shopping on Saturday mornings.  If I need some meat from the butcher or fresh produce, I will sometimes purchase things on my way home from work to cook them the evening of the meal.  Otherwise it is always my goal to not have to go back to the store more than once.  (Every time I enter the grocery store, you can almost always guarantee I will buy more than what is on my list.  Better to keep it to just one day.)

7.  I also make my grocery list while looking at all of the things I have in my pantry/refrigerator/spice cabinet.  Eventually I'd also love to plan stuff around what we have in a produce delivery, what we find at the farmer's market, or what we grow in our own garden.  (This will likely happen next year when I actually have time to plan a garden.)  All of this helps keep me under budget so I don't overbuy things.

8.  We all eat lunches on our own.  TIH eats at school and both my husband and I eat at work.  I can usually be counted on for bringing some sort of leftovers at least once a week, but for the most part I basically brown bag it.  I do not plan those meals.

9.  The same goes for breakfast.  Sometimes on weekends, my husband will cook up a big breakfast and we'll talk about that ahead of time so that I can get the necessary accouterments, otherwise we are all pretty content with bowls of cereal, breakfast smoothies, or oatmeal.  And coffee.  Of course, coffee.

10.  I do not coupon.  When I tried to do it, I spent way more money than I ever saved by buying things we didn't need, didn't use, or already had.  (The exception is for toiletries.  I don't have to worry about those going bad before we need them.)  If you have the patience for couponing - go you.  This will make meal planning a little bit less flexible, but will work all the same.   In case you were wondering, I say "koo-pon" rather than "q-pon."  Both pronunciations are listed in the dictionary - so we all win.  If you're good at looking for meat/produce sales at your local grocer that will work wonders for you as well.  Fortunately, everyone says "sale" the same way.



Finally, be flexible.  I planned a full meal around some stuff I saw in the store only to find they discontinued one of the key components.  Because I wasn't flexible, I literally stood in the store for 15 minutes until I finally picked up a frozen pizza.  Have a back up plan or two in place.  You can also move meals around in the month if necessary.  When we have to cancel a meal because we get invited out last minute, I'll use those ingredients for a similar meal later in the week or in place of another meal. More flexibility.  Stay tuned in September when I share our meal plan as well as some new recipes I plan to try.  I promise to come back with full reviews on how they worked out for us.  I'd love to hear what you're all doing for your meals and meal planning.  I would love to recipe swap!