My happy ending...

A year ago yesterday was the day we brought TIH home from the hospital.
Like all new parents, we brought him into the house, happy to be back in our own home, and then, like a freight train, it hit us - what are we supposed to do with this kid?
Pretty quickly we figured it out - feed him, burp him, change him, repeat repeat repeat.
In a future post, I will talk more about those first few weeks when I was the newest of New Moms.
Today I want to talk about that first night.

The night where I was peeling my eyes open though they were ready to slam shut from exhaustion.  The night where I'm asking myself how this kid could possibly need to be fed again or changed again or rocked again.  And the night where I woke up not long after midnight with an aching, heavy feeling in my bra which was suddenly 3-4 sizes too small.

My milk had come in.

I remember having to assemble the breast pump I had no idea how to use (since my nurse's helpful advice was "Um,  you just, like, turn it on and, like, pump!")  I remember not being sure how long I was supposed to do it, but I knew I just needed to to relieve some of the pressure.  I remember being amazed at how quickly it just sort of...happened.


Flash forward 364 days.  The day after TIH's first birthday.  The day that I have decided will be my last day to breast feed him.  We had already cut out all of our feedings except for the last one - his bedtime feeding.  Weaning had been strangely easy.  (I'm trying not to take it personally.)

It was a typical feeding.  I played on my phone and watched an episode of Hoarders while TIH drifted off.  About half way through, I stopped playing with my phone, turned off the TV, and just stared at him for a second.  I gave him a little squeeze.  I told him that even though this part was over, that he was still my little baby and that we would always spend some sort of quality time together.  It was about that point that he unlatched.  For the last time.  And with his eyes still closed and a drowsy little smile playing on his lips, he said, Maaahhhh maaahhhh.

I set him down in his crib.  Took a deep breath.  And walked out.  Feeling proud.  Accomplished.
A year ago, I would have never thought I was going to make it to where I am today.
I successfully breast fed for twelve. whole. months.


Last night, the anniversary of the night we brought TIH home from the hospital, was the first night we attempted the bedtime routine sans boobies.  We did everything exactly the same.  Bath, diaper, lavender lotion, jammies, lullaby - except instead of mommy, there was a cup filled with warm milk.

Wouldn't you know it?  The kid just reached for it.  He settled in, stroked the ear of his new favorite stuffed animal (Sammy the Lamby), and slowly drifted off to sleep.  I cuddled him the same way I would cuddle him when he was nursing.  I rocked him a bit after he was finished with the milk until I felt like he was completely asleep.

And then, I set him down in his crib.  Took a deep breath.  And made my way to the door.  Just before I closed the door behind me, I heard him stir a little bit and turn over on his side.  I walked back to his crib to rub his forehead a little and make sure he was completely asleep.  His eyes were still closed and he had a drowsy little smile.  I went to tiptoe out of the room when I heard him say it - Maaahhhh, maaahhhh.

I took a deep breath.  And walked out.
Twelve. whole. months.

They say that breaking up is hard to do...

Folks?  I have an announcement to make.  The Incredible Hulk and I are breaking up.
Well.  We're about to break up. In about a month in a half.
But let me tell ya, in a month and a half it WILL HAPPEN because I. AM. DONE.

I have been doing this breast feeding thing for the past ten and a half months and with only 46 days left until The Incredible Hulk's first birthday, I am sooooooo over it.

I made a deal with myself to last for the first twelve months and as that date steadily approaches, I feel like I am experiencing something akin to the "senioritis" I felt during the last few weeks of college.  I know that on July 17, I can't just be like "PEACE OUT, SUCKAS!" and expect him to be weaned just like that.  But I really am planning to leave that damn breast pump at home on July 18.  Uncomfortable as it may be, I think I have earned it.

So, in order to cope and keep my eye on the prize for these last few weeks of feeling like a common dairy cow, I give you this.

The Top Ten Things I Will NOT Miss About Breastfeeding

10.  The Equipment - Though I recently tweeted about how great Medela and their products have been, I am still SO ready to chuck everything in storage and just be done with all of the breast feeding accouterments.  Milk storage bags, breast pads, bottles, pump parts, lanolin cream...I want it out of my freaking house.

9.  The Questions - I guess by now I should realize that not everyone knows that it is recommended, common, and perfectly normal to breast feed your baby for 12 months.  And I also realize that not everyone decides to breast feed or decides to continue for as long as I have.  I'm okay with that.  That said, it comes as a total shock to me when people ask if I am "still nursing" and look horrified when I tell them yes. Seriously?  It's not like TIH is in kindergarten.  I'm not that mother.  And honestly?  It's really not any of your business what I'm feeding my kid, but it's definitely not your business if you're gonna get all judgey-wudgey on me.

8.  Leakage - Though I really haven't ever had an embarrassing incident in public, I live in constant fear of leakage.  If they made torso sized breast pads, I would wear one.  Just to be safe.

7.  Awkward Social Gatherings - I feel like I cannot go anywhere for any extended period of time without planning ahead about where and when I will feed TIH should the occasion arise.  Sometimes we use bottles.  Sometimes we just excuse ourselves early.  Other times I have to have a horribly awkward conversation with the hosts about the location of the lactation room in their home.  And you all know I won't be doing that in public.

6.  Time Consumption - Yes, the benefits of breast feeding are obvious.  The bonding is fabulous.  It's the perfect food.  And blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...it takes a lot of FREAKING TIME.  I'm looking forward to not planning any part of my day around the fact that I might have to sit on a couch for 20 minutes waiting for TIH to finish eating.

5.  Nursing Bras - Honestly, for something you have to wear 24/7, does it HAVE to be so flippin' unattractive?  I have found exactly ONE attractive nursing bra that actually holds something that resembles a shape.  The rest make me look like I fled some African village.  Also, I cannot wait to have the ability to "free ball it" in bed again.  Sorry.  Overshare.  But it's true.

4.  Teeth - Yeah.  I won't elaborate on this one.

3.  Sobriety - The day that I am finally through with this stuff, I am celebrating by drinking an entire bottle of champagne.  BY MYSELF.  With a side of Chardonnay.  Followed by vodka. Followed by an epic hangover.  But, it will be worth it. Mark. My. Words.



It might look something like this.

2.  Decaf - I am also celebrating with a Venti FULL CAF Cinnamon Dolce Latte and eight Diet Cokes. Plus one of those 5 Hour Energy things.  Just because.

1.  Pumping - Call me redundant.  I know I've written about this before, but I really do not like pumping and cannot wait to to stop hooking myself up to that stupid thing.  I repeat - on July 18, it is NOT coming to work with me.




The flip side?  For every reason I came up with above, I can come up with ten reasons why I'm so happy I made the decision to breast feed and stuck with it.  I am honestly really proud of myself about it because I have never wanted to give something up so badly in my life while also being secretly terrified of failing.  (Not that if you give up breast feeding after trying it out that you're "failing."  You will never hear me say anything like that.  I swear.)

I'm sure you all remember how amazing as it feels to look at ultrasound pics, see a tiny little bean grow into a full human baby, and think - wow, I made that thing grow all by myself!  The same thing goes for breast feeding, only you get to see those results on the outside in the way of chubby cheeks and roly poly thighs.

So, I'm sure there may be a few bittersweet moments as this chapter of motherhood ends and another one begins, but mostly?

PEACE OUT, SUCKAS.