Sure we could see a new start...

Well, hello February.  And hello blog that I have neglected for the last half of the month.
And hello to you, dear reader.

The last month has been a little nutty for the NMOTB household and while we did do a nice job of sticking to our meal plan (as much as we could), the sticking to "No self-imposed life changes for awhile" resolution we made to ourselves...hasn't gone quite as well.  Namely, my husband started a new job last week.  No worries.  It was just a great opportunity that sort of fell into our laps and after a lot of careful discussion, we jumped on it.

It did require my husband to travel more than originally planned in January, so of course, that did require me to scrap a lot of our meal plan and did not leave me a whole lot of time to do recipe reviews or cook actual meals.

So, here's the February meal plan (which features a whole lot of the January meal plan, sorry about that) and a whole lot of holes because our February is not only short, but it's also really really busy.  Not to mention, we've already had to change things around before I could even post this.  And I'm four days later than planned...

Make sure you check back as I'll try to attempt to be a blogger again this month and will also be doing some recipe reviews - both the ones from January and the ones for new recipes we are trying this month.  Phew.

{February 2013}

February 1 - Well, as this post was being created, we were covered in several inches of snow and it was still falling.  Going to the grocery store just wasn't in the cards.  Our cupboards were unfortunately pretty bare, so we had to order Chinese.

February 2 - SUPER BOWL SUNDAY.  (Wait, I think I'm technically not allowed to call it Super Bowl because it is like trademarked or something.  Whoops.)  Basically our dinner will consist of buffalo chicken dip, guacamole, chili, and all kinds of other things that are ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS.

February 3 - Chicken Parmigiana; Pesto Pasta; Broccoli

February 4 - World's Best Chicken; Pasta; Asparagus

February 5 - Slow Cooker Classic Beef Stew*; Bread

February 6 - Breaded Pork Chops; Roasted Acorn Squash; Cous Cous

February 7 - Chicken Caesar Salad

February 8 - Skillet Chili Mac*; Cornbread

February 9 - Italian Drunken Chicken*; Salad

February 10 - Leftovers

February 11 - No meal plan

February 12 - Asian Chicken Salad*

February 13 - Moist Lemon Chicken; Cous Cous; Salad

February 14 - Valentine's Day!  So, my husband and I usually don't do anything big for Valentine's Day, but every year since TIH was born, we've always gone out to a casual dining restaurant. (Our favorite was a BBQ place when we were still living in St. Louis.)  So, this year we'll likely do the same thing, though we haven't yet found our special, non-special spot.

February 15 - Pork Carnitas*; Fiesta Lime Rice

February 16 - Spicy Sausage Pasta; Salad

February 17 - Leftovers

February 18 - Chicken Stir Fry; Brown Rice; Asian Salad (Here's a good stir fry recipe I found, but usually we just pick our favorite chicken and veggies, toss them together in a skillet with a nice bottled sauce, and fry it all up.)

February 19 - Slow Cooker French Onion Soup Pork Chops*; Boiled New Potatoes; Roasted Zucchini

February 20 - Italian Chicken (Found this recipe on the back of a Progresso Italian Panko box and it is GREAT); Pasta; Salad

February 21 - Pizza; Salad

February 22 - No meal plan, we'll be attending the annual Auction for Autism!

February 23 - Chipotle Grilled Steak with Lime Butter*; Smashed Potatoes*; Broccoli  (THIS MEAL PLAN WILL FINALLY HAPPEN THIS MONTH.  I hope...)

February 24 - Garlic/Brown Sugar Chicken; Pesto Orzo; Sauteed Zucchini

February 25 - No meal plan

February 26 - No meal plan

February 27 - Chicken and Broccoli Noodle Casserole*; Salad

February 28 - Burgers; Tator Tots; Salad

Only for now...

Dear TIH,

I'm putting you to bed tonight the same way I always have since the first night you came home with us. Last year at this time, I was sure that it would only be a matter of months before our bedtime routine would change.  I figured that once you got used to the fact that you didn't physically need me to be there with you for you to go to bed, that you'd be falling asleep on your own in no time at all.

I was wrong.
Here we are, on the night before you turn two, and I'm rocking you to sleep just like I have for the last 731 days.  It's a little different now, sure.  And now, we have the luxury of daddy stepping in to take my place every once in awhile.  But, for the most part, I haven't missed more than a handful of bedtimes in the past two years.

But, can I make a confession?

I'm okay with that.

I know I shouldn't let you drink a cup of milk until you fall asleep.  I know I shouldn't respond to your pleas for "One more!" reading of Goodnight, Moon.  I know I should encourage independent sleep behavior and that I should set you down in your crib before you're even all the way asleep.  Shoot, I probably should have plans in place to upgrade you to a toddler bed by now.

But, I do, and I will, and I don't, and I haven't.

And, I'm okay with that.

You see, I know I won't be able to do this forever.
At some point, both of us are not going to fit into this rocking chair.  (In fact, sometimes I wonder if this is already happening.)  At some point, you won't even really like for me to hold you. (Sometimes I wonder if this is happening already too.)

Eventually, you'll be too heavy for my arms to hold comfortably.  Eventually, the thought of having a cup of milk to go to sleep might even be kind of gross to you.

With every moment that passes, we're getting closer to the ones where you really won't need me to do as many things for you anymore.  So, tonight I'm rocking you to sleep.

I won't be able to rock you forever.
So, on the eve of your second birthday, I'm just happy that I still can.

Love you,
Mommy

To help me find my place in this world...

For the first time in the history of New Mom on the Blog, I'm writing this post with absolutely no subject in mind.  Not exactly stream of consciousness.  (You better believe I'm using the delete button if anything sounds stupid.)

But, I've been away from the blog for far too long, and I miss it so much.  I write this blog from the perspective of a new mother and therefore try to keep the subject matter related to the many triumphs (and failures) of parenting.  So, usually my ideas just come from what is going on in my life as a mom.

At the moment, so much is going on in my life.  But, none of it really has to do with The Incredible Hulk other than the fact that he's the bright, sunshiny moment of every day.  And honestly?
We could use a little bit of sunshine.

We sold our first home and moved out with no where to go.
I'm currently living in the house where I grew up.  This is supposed to be a temporary situation.
Except there is no end in sight.

I made it very far through the interview process (as in FOUR interviews) of a job I would have really liked to have.

And, in the end, I didn't get it.

I found an even more perfect job working in a hospital part of the time on the psych floor and part of the time in the NICU (!!!!)

Only to find out the funding for the position has been suspended.  Indefinitely.

Listen, I know we're living in the most craptastic of economic times.
I know that they say you should expect 1 month of job searching for every 10K of salary you expect.

Well, if that's the case, I'm gonna be ROLLING IN IT when I finally find a job.

It has been really hard not to get down on myself right now.  We are just weeks away from closing on our dream home in Chicago and we won't even be able to live there until we can find a way to both collect a paycheck in the state where the dream home sits.

All the while, I'm also trying to make peace with the fact that I am preparing to say goodbye to the only place I've ever called home.

One day, I hope my husband and I can look back on this time in our life and tell TIH that we were as happy as we could possibly be.

That even though we were dirt poor, even though we had no idea what the hell we were doing, even though we wished away every bit of the time we were spending in this relocation limbo - that we were still happy.

Because we had each other
And so, we had everything we needed.

When I think of home...

At the top of the stairs there is a little room.
It isn't very big, but it isn't too small - as Goldilocks would say, "It's just right."

For awhile the little room would welcome any guest that would stay with us.  We decorated it simply and cheaply, secretly knowing the plans we had for this room one day.  A permanent guest we hoped it would welcome in the future.

When we found out we were having you, our first son, I had a lot of dreams for that little room.  I agonized over paint swatches of pale green.  Matched them to the bedspread I had so carefully selected for you.  Fanned them out on the wall.  Contemplated the difference between "celery" and "sage."

I planned projects for the little room.  I made your daddy put up custom moulding.  I selected pieces of furniture.  I placed a rocking chair and ottoman in the corner, a gift from your great grandmother and great aunts. I sewed a personalized sampler to hang on the wall.

While we waited for you to come, you could often find your daddy or me sitting in that rocker.  Listening to the sweet lullaby CD we chose for the little room.  Dreaming of the little boy we couldn't wait to meet.

I remember thinking the crib had tripled in size the first time I laid you in it.  You looked so tiny and fragile.  I thought the room was too big for you.

And now, 20 months later, the room seems so perfect for you.  The way your daddy and I would picture it as we rocked quietly in the corner and dreamed.

In 20 months, we have had so many memories in this room.  We have played.  We have comforted.  We have watched you learn new things.  We've read Guess How Much I Love You?  and Goodnight, Moon more times than we can count.

It's a little room, but we've learned it can hold so much joy.

In your life, you are likely to live in a great many rooms.  Smaller rooms, bigger rooms.  Rooms that are just down the hall from mommy and daddy.  Rooms that are quite a bit farther away.

We will say goodbye to the little room at the top of the stairs forever in just a matter of hours.  Tomorrow will be the first time you say goodbye to a place and know you will never come back.  It won't be the last. 

For now, I will take down the sampler, fold up the bedspread, and box up your tiny little clothes.  Most of me knows you probably won't remember this little room or the almost 2 years you spent in it.

But, on the off chance that you do - I hope you remember it as home.

Take these chances...

If you’re on Facebook or Twitter or don’t live under a rock, you’ve probably seen a strange photograph of brooms standing completely on their own in the middle of kitchens all over the place.  Lots of people had explanations for this phenomenon ranging from solar flares to static electricity to proper alignments of the planets and everything in between.  It could also be that you have a brand-new broom at your disposal for this experiment.  Or, maybe it’s just plain dumb luck.

Which is what brings me to my apology to you, my readers, for my unannounced month-long blog hiatus. 

I’m sorry.

I have desperately missed writing for you, and have really missed social media in general.  I am afraid to look at Twitter after being away from it so long and I cannot tell you the last time I read through an entire blog.

While I can make a pretty good argument for being busy lately, I’ve also been a bit stuck.  I have all of these things in my head to write and to say, but when it comes down to it, I can never make the words come.  I don’t know if it’s writer’s block as much as it’s just. too. damn. much. stress.

So here’s a list of what has happened in the month I was gone.

1.       As you know, we put our house on the market.  So our lives mostly consisted of keeping a pristine-ly clean house at all times.  Even for two adults, this practice can be difficult.  With a toddler, this practice is MIND NUMBING.
2.       After only 31 days on the market, our house is actually under contract.  Yeah.  I KNOW.
3.       Selling our house this quickly kind of caught us with our pants down and now we are homeless.  (Not for real, we’re going to be living with my dad temporarily.) BUT, on the day that our house sold we had NOTHING lined up as far as a job or a home goes in Chicago.
4.       In the past month, I have sent out what feels like 30 resumes.  It’s probably less than 30.  However, being that almost every job I applied for directly relates to my highly specialized profession, any resumes I submitted over 2 is pretty much a metric crap ton in the music therapy world.  Now that we have no place to live in St. Louis, we kind of need to make the trek to Chicago ASAP, but there is no way we can do that without continuing to be a dual-income family.
5.       In response to all of those resumes, I landed an interview with an awesome job prospect in which I would be doing some preeeeetttty amazing things.
6.       While looking for jobs, we also kind of stumbled upon the most amazing house in the history of ever AND it was a foreclosure, so it was something we could actually afford.
7.       We made an offer and the bank accepted it (!!!) so we own a house.  But we can’t live there.  Because we need my income to pay for it.

So, to sum up – We took a chance and did EVERYTHING backwards.  I own a house in a state that I do not currently reside and I live in my dad’s basement so that I can continue to make pitiful-but-better-than-nothing wages in my current job while my husband spends several days a week away on business making me a single mom.

LIVING THE DREAM.

In truth, I know how very blessed we are.  We’re blessed our house sold so quickly.  We’re blessed my dad welcomed us with open arms.  We’re blessed our child is healthy and happy.  We’re blessed to both be employed, be that it is in different states at the moment.  We’re blessed that we could afford the house of our dreams and that of the four offers made, the bank accepted ours. 

Sometimes things just work out in your favor.  Maybe it was good timing.  Maybe solar-flares.  Maybe the planets just finally aligned.

Or, maybe it’s just plain dumb luck.

Never say never...

Defeated was the only word that came to mind as I scratched my name across another line.

As I stared at the numbers on the pages in front of me and mentally deducted the amount monthly from our checking account, I got an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

I searched my brain for ways that this purchase would save us money in the end. There were none. I couldn’t think of a single good reason why we were doing this.

I’m pretty sure I had it added to our wedding vows that my husband could never, never make me do what I was sitting in this man’s office doing. But, here I was. A decision born and made of my own volition.  A decision carried out with a little too much curiosity about how much it would cost for us to have a little bit more wiggle room while we cart ourselves all around this city.

It was phrases like “Rear Seat Entertainment Center,” “Special Financing Options,” and “Touch Screen Navigation” that drew me in. But then, it was the way it drove, almost like – I can’t believe I am going to say this – like a luxury vehicle, that solidified the decision in my mind.

I couldn’t think of a single moment where I pictured myself doing this. The safety and comfort of a certain little toddler weighed heavily on my mind as I listened to yet another explanation of yet another page to sign. Making this choice, the one that I’ve dreaded (well, avoided) with every ounce of my being, this would definitely guarantee, among other things, safety and comfort.

My mind was screaming at me, “WHAT HAVE YOU BECOME?!” I felt my forehead break out into a sweat. Every part of me wanted to run screaming from that office.

And yet, scratch scratch scratch – I just kept signing my life away.

I could hear TIH running through the building; screaming, knocking things over, generally wreaking havoc. I rolled my eyes. Two years ago I would have silently judged the parents allowing that craziness to go on. How things change. My God, how things change.

Finally, I reached the last dotted line, and printed right below where my signature would go – “Congratulations!”

“Congratulations? CONGRATULATIONS? Don’t you dare congratulate me, dude. I just bought a freaking minivan.”


I need a drink.