Careful the things you say, children will listen...

Oh boy, do I owe all of you the mother of all updates.
And the mother of all apologies.

You all, this relocation thing is basically drawing the ever-loving life out of me and I can't even bare (bear? I can never remember this) to lift my hands to the keyboard after a solid day of typing my name, credentials, and references into yet another online application.  (In short, the employment search is not going well.)

If somewhere in here I mention I graduated cum laude and can type 75 WPM, just ignore me.  I'm on auto-apply again.

I'm back on the blog today because I have been really excited to give you an update on The Incredible Hulk's talking (or, as we last left of - the lack thereof.)

I am happy to report - the boy is TALKING.

Can I say he is the most eloquent human being to walk the planet at this moment?

No.
In fact, most of our conversations consist of stuff about hot dogs and Donald Duck and Popsicles.  (Uh oh, I might have just given away in that short sentence what a failure of a parent I am.  Whoops.)

But, yes.  The boy is talking.

I would say at this point we are noticing 1-2 new words a week and starting just recently we see that he's making more of an effort for those words to sound like the actual words and not just toddler-like approximations.  (For instance, before we had "BAH" for "Bye" and now we've got more of a "Bah-ee" thing happening.  Which is ADORABLE. Obvi.)

At his two year check-up, our pediatrician said he wanted him to have at least 25 words (done and done), he should put two-word phrases together (as in, "Ma?  Pop?"  "Yes, buddy.  Mommy does want a Popsicle."), and that people who don't know him well should understand about 50% of what he's saying (getting easier by the minute.)

So, for all of you who comforted me during the multiple times I have used this blog to freak out about his speech - thank you.  At the time, I was really freaked out and having you all to throw my worries at made me feel so much better.

Fortunately, we're not quite at the "repeating" stage of talking yet.  Why "fortunately?"  Mostly because Mommy has...should we say...a colorful vocabulary?

I have a friend whose daughter is a few months younger than TIH and is a virtual parrot and repeats almost everything she hears.  And, I mean she does so in a way that my friend never has any doubt about what went on in school that day. (How awesome is THAT?)

TIH isn't there yet and I am glad for that.

I know I need to clean up my act.  I will want to crawl into a hole and die the first time his teacher tells me he used a curse word.  Because between my husband and me, I'm the curser.

I'm working on it.  I swear.

However, looking back over social media and the stuff that's been going on in the news, I have to say - TIH might repeat my beloved F-bombs one day, and I won't lie, that will suck.

But, if I can get serious for a moment and totally switch gears for a moment?  Something that he'll never repeat because he heard it in our house?

A hateful comment about someone because of the color of their skin

...or the way they dress

...or the fact that they have a disability

...or their sexual orientation

...or the religion they practice.

Those sort of things have no place in my life.  In my house.  In my child's mouth.

I have heard people who are too young to understand the gravity of what they say repeat comments that are nothing short of hateful, belligerent, racism and it's scary.  And where do you think they are getting that from?

So, yes.  One day, my son may embarrass me by dropping his toys and saying, "Shit!"  (Another one of mommy's favorites.)  However, you can be sure that he'll never embarrass me by saying any of the hateful things I hear on a daily basis. 

And I may be a new-ish mom, and I may curse like a common trucker - but I'm pretty sure I'm doing that part right.

I want to thank you...

Yesterday, I poured my heart out here with all of my fears about my son being a late talker.  I asked for help.  I asked for sanity.  I asked for suggestions.    And all of you out there simply delivered.

Here are a few things I learned from yesterday's post:

1.       Einstein may have been speech-delayed.  (The jury is still out on this fact.  I found sources stating both that he was/wasn't speech-delayed.  Either way, in my research I found lots of famous scientists who also were thought to be speech-delayed.  Which means The Incredible Hulk might be a nuclear physicist.  So, there's always that.)

2.       The phrase “speech-delayed” scares the ever-loving crap out of me.  Even though no one used that phrase (other than me ad nauseam in the previous item.)   Even though that phrase doesn't even describe TIH.  It still scares the ba-jesus out of me.

3.  I forgot to mention several things about TIH's history in my post.

- For one, his hearing is fine - probably too good.  Receptively, we have no concerns.  He responds to multiple-step commands, dances to music, can mimic the sound a lion makes – all of that kind of stuff.  Though, everyone who mentioned this is totally right – these things should be considered when dealing with late talkers.  

- Someone also mentioned how ear infections can play a role in kiddos who aren’t speaking yet.  The good news is, TIH has only had two of those – ever.

- A few people mentioned socialization.  We have no concerns about his socialization (other than the fact that he bites his friends.)  At his 18-month-old check-up, I had to fill out this survey about his social behaviors.  They explained that it was an early screener for Autism Spectrum Disorders.  The survey confirmed that he’s developing typically.  However, if social deficits existed, it would also explain the speech thing – so, anyone who mentioned this was spot on as well.

4.       I also forgot to mention my amazing godson.  When I saw him at Thanksgiving 2010 (he almost 15 months at the time) he wasn’t saying a whole lot of anything.  The next time I got to see him was the following summer and he was a. talking. machine.  Then a few months later, at this year’s Thanksgiving, he was reciting entire (complicated) passages from Despicable Me.  He’s a little genius kiddo.  After talking to my sister-in-law about him yesterday, I felt better immediately.  He went through such an amazing transformation in just a short time.  It gives me hope for TIH.  Several of you readers shared similar stories and they all helped to ease my mind so much.

5.  Don't read Amazon.com reviews.  During my aforementioned Albert Einstein research, I stumbled upon a book called The Einstein Syndrome which is about late-talkers.  I read some of the reviews of the book which were basically a bunch of horror stories of children whose parents thought their late talking was "just a phase" and all of the kids ended up having severe problems.  The problems referred to were in line with the author's assertion that late talking is an early warning sign of future issues - drug addiction, suicidality, criminality, and a bunch of other REALLY FUN STUFF.  I want to purchase a copy of this book and burn it.  I also want Amazon.com to know that NO - these reviews were NOT HELPFUL.

Lastly, can I just say?  I love the Internet.  Seriously.  I love you guys.  I love you for reading.  I love you for never judging me (openly) about how freaking insane I am.  I love you for all of your knowledge and wisdom and support and prayers and encouragement.  I love you, most of all, for allowing me to put myself out here, time and time again, and not ever making me feel sorry for it.  I just can’t say it enough.  You are all my shining stars.  Thanks again.

Say, say, say...

Welcome back to the semi-annual installment of "Why the hell is my child not speaking yet, it must be because I am a terrible mother and everyone is judging me for it."

I'll work on the title.

In the meantime, allow me to freak out.

WHY THE HELL IS MY CHILD NOT SPEAKING YET?

Am I a terrible mother?

Is everyone judging me for it?

The rational side of my brain says, "He is a boy.  You are a great mom.  This is normal.  He does say some words.  Give him a break, Tiger Mother."

The irrational side of my brain says, "What do you MEAN your child is identifying songs on the radio by artist?  Clearly, I am doing something wrong with mine."

I also think I may be going slightly crazy because we will go for long periods of time with him saying some words like "grapes" and "crackers" and "vacuum."  We've also had "Yes" and "Yeah."

Now we have none of those.  We have “bah” or “dah” (which can mean “ball” and “balloon” or “dog” and “duck” respectively.)  Sometimes I wonder if in a few months’ time we’ll still have those.

I have to admit, I am guilty of falling into the trap of responding when he does nothing more than pointing and grunting.  I mean, the kid knows how to get what he wants.  But, any mother of a late-talking toddler can tell you that failing to respond to pointing and  grunting in a timely manner will guarantee you a meltdown of epic proportions.  


Sometimes I just can't handle another meltdown.

We have started working with daycare on learning some of the basic signs they use (previously, The Incredible Hulk wasn't in places that used signs) and those are working (we know “Please” and “More.")  When he plays in the bath or takes a drink, I tirelessly repeat the sign for "water" and encourage him to do the same.  Want to know the response I get?

HE LAUGHS AT ME.

Oh yeah.  Apparently, mommy furiously throwing three fingers next to her mouth is freaking hilarious.

It's infuriating.

I have no doubt in my mind that I am the mother to an intelligent little boy.  He has a way of figuring things out that baffle my husband and me daily.  He has a beautiful imagination and "fed" his stuffed dog a cup of milk before laying him down and covering him with a blanket.  This sort of behavior expresses an intelligence that goes beyond simple language skills.

It's just a very quiet intelligence.  And it's making my lose my damn mind.

It would be splendid if this kid would start speaking in full sentences so that I would know exactly what he wanted and would be able to diffuse any impending tantrum that is about to explode.

Unfortunately, life isn't working out quite like that.

I know that I need to stop comparing him to other children.  Every ounce of my being knows that.  And yet, I can't help but wonder if I am secretly judged every time my child points and grunts at something and I respond in kind.  I want to scream, "I SWEAR TO GOD I READ TO HIM AND DO FLASH CARDS AND DO LANGUAGE PROMOTING ACTIVITIES.  STOP JUDGING ME."

Of course, that will probably earn me a one way ticket to a padded room, so I don't scream at strangers.  Much.

So help me out, mamas.  Well - mamas of other late talkers.  When did your little one finally start communicating effectively?  What was the turning point?  What worked?  What didn't work?

And, also?  STOP JUDGING ME.